Okay, so you know How I said that my brother and his family are only here for one day? I lied. next day my brother called like, "Oh yeah btw we staying one more day see you in 10 minutes" and the second I put the phone down i heard them IMMEDIETLY pull up in the drive way. So yeah all them came again. And Idk if its the nomadic lifestyle but holy shit they NEVER sleep. I go to the restroom at 11pm? they on the couch. i get a snack at 2am? they up. I make some food at 7am? THEY STILL UP! And the funniest part, my mom came back from her "trip"(she has a sugar daddy but thats a story for another time LOOOOL) and they were dead asleep! all three of them in her bed! so she kicked they ass out. And the worst part? apparently they made a huge fucking mess, and they spilt WATER EVERYWHERE in her room(which only has carpet!!) I say apparently because I was asleep while my mom sadly took it upon herself to clean everything. I feel really bad for her, because I don't think that part of her brain ever turns off, you know? like shes always working, even at home, doing all this labor unpaid. And it sucks also because she doesn't see me as an adult(long story its really weird) so she doesn't think I can help when I CAN. she never asks me or my sister to help with anything, like we have to just do chores when shes not here or else she'll literally take the sponge/mop/laundry/food out of our hands and do it herself??? like your not our maid we all live in this house together we should all contribute... Like im grown yuo can just wake me up and ill help shit i dont mind. And i tell her that and nun changes. ;_; but anyways they made this huge mess. and I can tell their presence made my sister mad asf(she has work and our walls are literally paper(not joking)) because when she woke up she was slamming all the doors n shit(anger management issues)(we don't talk at all(long story but her anger is one reason) but I'm fluent in the language of the Door Slam) so basically they made the whole house mad! even milo was pissed off! so yeah theyre not allowed back any time soon. Hopefully. Cuz they eating all my food....

fun fact: I had a mental breakdown making my artfight attack for sokil! No hate to anyone, I was just really stressed out about IRL stuff(money insecurity, gender dysphoria..) but because I was forcing myself through it, making myself do something instead of taking time away... I got way too emotionally invested in how it would turn out, I spent so much time trying to make it perfect but all i could see was the imperfectionns..I told myself that if I didn't try hard enough I could never make money from what I make, and never support myself, and.. yeah I shit talk myself too much! I dont even have commisions open anyways? I don't even have a bank??? Gosh I just make shit up to stress myself out! ;_;.. but I posted it because I didn't want to think about it anymore, and even praise about what I was making felt belittling... I really needed time away. So I did i took like 3 weeks off because I FORGOT ABOUT IT AUGHHGSOegsuigbs And now im like wow! this is really good! why did I hate this at all? but this is a trend sadly. It may be some neurodivergence, or some coping mechanism, but when I draw I forget about the world, and especially about myself. Ill just keep going, often 10 hours, of straight drawing. IT IS NOT HEALTHY! THEY/THEMS DON'T DO THIS! i always tell myself to take breaks but i just don't???????Ive gotten better at this, because I know when im about to take on a Beast of a drawing I'll sleep on it so I can look at it with fresh eyes. This is actually why Swordsmachine Saturnday#69 looks so good! At first I just drw the machines in bunny cosutmes and then I was like.. this isn't sexy enough. So I slept on it, and was like, Oh! Im going to put them in actually hot clothes! and went on Adam & eve for inspo LOL(I haven't had pinterest for 2 years). But yeah! things come out better when I take breaks and my body hates hearing that. okay im actually going to set 30 minute timers now because i really don't want to get burnt out you know? i love drawing, but near the end of it I get so frustrated... I just need breaks! I think this is what I get for being jobless... but I applied to 6 jobs and 5 haven't gotten back to me! augh! But yeah when I came back to artfight i was Like. OMG PEAOPLE DREW MY OC... another fun fact: I get horrible, uncontrollable happy stims. Litterally jumped in my seat, squealed and flapped my arms THEY/THEMS YOU DONT GET IT ITS AGONY!!! PEOPLE DRAWL AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! so yep I gotta get back on that artfight grind... its a lot of fun!! and hopefully my super awesome sexy Hot Feet-loving Robot Russian Hacker friend who Doesn't Sleep(ae_om♡) will join next year, too!

Well, this is silly for me to say but I get really defensive of my house. My 30 y/o brother (who literally digs in his butt IN FRONT OF ME?? while im talking to him???) can't hold a stable job and thus has been moving from motels to my cousins house. Though shit has hit the fan because somehow he has a GF and that GF has a daughter (who used to be my friend in middle school! small town we live in.) and they ALL have been moving with him? Like some nomadic lifestyle??? Also for context, my brother has really bad BPD. He indulges in really shitty behavior often like, drinking and driving, threatening people, he has so much paranoia it has caused him to get fired a lot. It really sucks that he has a diagnosis, but has no help institutionally, you know? My mother still treats him like a kid and enables his behavior. So, because he's lashed out at my cousin, he got kicked out. All that to say that he and his gf and their daughter came to live with us for a night. (thank god only one night...) And they are probably the worst guests ever? Like I got that broke lifestyle, dont make fun of me when I say I live in a trailer house, that can only comfortably hold like 2 people(600-900squarefeet). so all three of them in the living room was... uh... gosh. They weren't loud, thank god, but they moved EVERYTHING AROUND???? the kitchen is a mess, the living room is a mess, the master bedroom is a mess... holy moly.. My sister and mom left to go somewhere else because imagine 6 PEOPLE in 900 SQUAREFEET id explode? anyways if you don't hate my brother enough he also plays fortnite. LOL So sorry to everyone I haven't texted back, shit has been crazy.

God Im so tired today! It could be that im talking to 4 people at once; this whole online thing is something im not really used to yet! so like, do I keep talking with you guys or is it okay for me to take breaks in the middle of talking? because I kinda need to do that lol! Thats what I sorta did today, not on purpose but I was just like. Holy fuck I can't respond im so sleepy all of a sudden??? I think I just need some rest in general, Im a very sleepy person. So if your one of the many people still waiting on a response from me, just know I'll get back to you soon enough, and thank you for being patient! ♡ I mainly think its because my circadian rhythm is really messed up, its night right now so im producing melatonin even though its midday for me technically. Its really weird to admit but ive struggled with low energy for my whole life! when I was younger I would go to school(6am-4pm), and then sleep the second I got home(5pm-6am). all the way up until highschool, when i had afterschool stuff I slept less but when i didnt there was still the same pattern. Hell i even tried caffine and I got used to it so quick that it would start making me sleepy!(though i probably abused it too much... I dont really drink caffine anymore, other than soda) I think i'm just a sleepy person lol.

google search while having onlien freinds b like:
🔎 Time in Spain
🔎 GMT vs CST
🔎Time in moscow
🔎timezones north america
its like everyday aough. My sleep schedual cant accept everyone(cries) or i stay awake 18 hours...hmmm.....no. i love sleeping whenver sorry they/thems. yeah im excluding everyone BUT enbys. "Ladies and gentlemen" fuck you, whenever a book uses, "he/she"? die forever. im tired of it. and the "girls gays and theys" SHUT UP! just say hello and start the video DAMN.. the only good one ive heard is "Queens, Kings, and Murder Machines" because yess thats cute. everyone else will burn in ultrahell. so yeah im not going to say "guys" or "bro" or "chat" nah its they/thems. okay im tired of all this gender ima call out the real ones. all my oomfs they/them and evil. Sorry Im really tired LOL.
Also I find it fucking CRAZY how with every post I make I get more and more attention on tumblr.. its kinda freaking me out. I thought the nasty one I just recently made would most definetly get like, shadowbanned? i hope thats the right word? but idk it kinda reminds me of how when you first play fornite they match you with bots so it feels good to play and so you keep playing after te first few rounds. I woudn't be supprised if after certain amount of engagement tumblr pushes The Button and it doesnt reach anyone anymore so that each post could follow exponential growth. Prolly not tho but its a fun theory to chew on. Ive been getting.... attention... and it does make me anxious... but im getting a job so idrc about allat rn.....

Having fun and playing online. Yay! I currently feel no stress its amazing. Ive been sleeping very well, and today I got minecraft and played with a friend @https://ae-om.neocities.org :) . This was like. The most fun ive had in so long. Its interesting too because I thought I would really suck at minecraft but i did fine :) THey helped me beat the enderdragon in under 4 hours! and it was my first time! lol. We put our minecraft beds together it was epic. If any mutuals have minecraft(and know how the fuck server shit works lol,) I would love to play together!!! and yeah! my discord is right above this box lol you can't miss it. And soon enough were gonna play a modded version. so excited!!!
Other than havging fun, I have sooo many fucking emails I need to send AUGH. if your reading this and still awaiting me to respond, SORRY! ive been busy playing games and chilling. I also need to get back into artfight soon enough, there are so many OC's I wanna drawl! ee!

I want you all to know that here, I will not belittle myself, or put myself in some unrealistic standard, or share that. Its not good for anyone, ive just learned. Depressive coma haze has retreeded slightly, and I see the negative patterns now. Ive been in an echo chamber online recently of less than a handful of people. In some wierd attempt to stay up to date, to learn more about them, like they would ever know or like me; Parasociality. Im not healthy, and im not going to make myself even more unhealthy by hearing just what these people do to theirselves when their angry, fustrated, helpless or suicidal. Like its normal or some shit. I hate this idea that has been brewing that its okay to hurt yourself, I dont care, its wrong. I choose me. I just need time away from those people and how they think. Im porous when im like this, I absorb all these notions. Im going to be healthier, because fuck you, Fuck your ideas. now that i feel a bit clear headed I know I can think for myself and realize that this is fucking dangerous. I know people cannot be held accountable for all they choose to post, and it hurts me now to say this, but if you can't see the harm your doing to yourself why share it with others? Do you know the harm it causes them? Im not going to even entertain suicidal ideation anymore, like its some joke or some shit. its always said by the most hurt people, you mean it. We all know what you mean. This hurts for me to be so vulnerable, But i have to say that the past few rambles were me trying, in some vain attempt, to relate to this notion, this group, of people. By sharing my most cruel thoughts with no consideration of an outside perpective, this odd self centered public hanging. Yes, I do need attention, But trying to get it here is just inappropriate, and Im deeply sorry if my ideas have caused any mental stress onto anyone. These thoughts are for the diary, and to eventually overcome. I Dont want this shit fucking normalized. If you relate to anythhing I have said, please, work it out with someone or yourself. I just, aughhh i am fustrated I got sucked into this for so long and it has caused me actual physical harm. fuck man. But hey, something good to come out of this; ive been working on myself physically. Its odd, huh? like my body was tryign to to tell me all along to just Get away from the computer.

And im going to be even more vulnerable, I am overweight! not by much, but it is an insecurity of mine. As previously mentioned, I was a theatre kid, and I wasnt able to focus on myself. I used to just come home and watch House and binge eat, because I was so stressed out I couldnt think. This went on for 2 years! no wonder! But i have been taking it Too Fucking Far developing disordered eating because I just thought that its normal now. I see people praising fat gabriel and then also say how theyre just not going to eat. It really fucked with me, like "Oh, we don't actually care about fat bodies, right? its just a thing we all agree on and then starve ourselves right?" NO Fuck off. Im going to eat this chocolate crossiant and not log it. Cry, seethe even. I Deserve to eat, and still take care of myself. I came form a household where I didn't get to eat everyday, so when food was available I ate it all like it was the end of the world! I was an overweight kid! Im am overweight adult! but its okay! :) Im going to do what I want! But if there is one good thing that came out of this, is that Being more physical is fucking awesome, taking walks and runs have made me feel a lottt better! After my midnight/early morning walks and runs I have so much more energy(though not eating has caused me to have a lot of fatigue...) and Im not going to be weird about it anymore!! and honestly this kindess can only be found in me, because I can't trust the people I look up to anymore. and that sucks. But i need to try and stop idolizing people and eventually absorbing all their bad habits.

Im not going to call anyone out, because I know that for some people this is how they cope, by posting this stuff publicly. but by posting it publicly, I can say something about it, because once its in the world its not just for you anymore. Im going to have an opinion, (rare from me!) and say that posting some shit like, "Im going to blow my shit clean off" is not a joke. killing yourself is not a joke its not funny please listen to me, please value youself a little more than to say some shit for likes.

I just. I feel bad for these people. In a way that I can't critique them at all. I know that it may be your only way out. but, fuck. Man. I dont want any one of them to see something like this and feel even more isolated. I get really rejection-sensitive whenever someone posts about needed to stop using he/him pronouns on Ultrakill characters. Its whatever, it is a bad habit of mine, but I can change, and even then I can do what I want. But its just. People will post about the change they want to see and they cant look inward? just a little? has it ever occured that maybe this isnt the best way to comfront your feelings? And it may feel cathartic in the short term, but thats all it is, short term....

I am going to keep my rambles up, because They are disconnected from viewing. People are not going to accidentally scroll and see them or be able to like them in any way. Also, they are fucking long and are only relatable to me. feelings of isolation, dissociation, social struggles, body image, they are'nt unique, but where they come from, how I deal with them is. Just shit I point out about myself because I felt it gives insight on who I am, which is that im not a perfect person, with no bad thoughts or anything. They arent isolated in context, they arent made for broad appeal. No silly one-liners to forget about and yet perfectly explain a feeling when your there, realizing you havent forgotten it at all and all those quips are held into the subconcious... No, you have to keep scrolling, keep engaging with the material even if its sad and sucks. You can point out all the fallacies, all the negative spirals, you see where its coming from. Or... well I can.. at least? hopefully even someone whos struggling can see all of that, or am I going to have to go in with the red pen?
I think, "Not now daddy, kitten needs to kill kitself" is a lot different from, "I currently feel helpless and alone because I don't want to maintain the friendships ive built off of lies anymore." I think, "I just ate a whole bag of chips im a such a chud" is a lot different from, "I had a stressful day at school, and the idea of going back put me in a state of binge eating." One of these you can say online, the other feels odd and personal. I mean, one is some idea of a joke and the other adresses the main issue, not in a fun way, but an honest one. The delicate art of honesty; how to be honest without being cringe? you cant. I will try to NEVER say shit like the first option. I am not going to use new slang to describe negative feelings of self image, (chopped, chud, ect.) I will try to NOT going to use harmful language towards myself to relate to someone. because ive felt this shit in real life. Some girl eats something, calls herself a chud(fat), and I feel guilt for eating in turn. When in reality she doesnt really think that way about herself, she has now established this standard onto everyone else. Its some 6th dimensional rude shit tbh. I see this SO FUCKING OFTEN. Its like okay, you hate fat people? no? then why is it being put in this negative context? damn! I may feel differently in the future and adjust/ take them down, we'll see. For now, they stay up for context. I mean, now you know Im mixed race, why I dont go to college, and I was a theatre kid + all the pain it caused me! it adds a lot of important information. This is the "about me" section of the website anyways!

Kay bye! wish me luck teehee! and please take care of yourself, whoever you are. My discord and email are always open if you want to rant about anything at all. I wont judge, I will only listen.

I've slept like shit the past few days. fuck. Im tired and fatigued all the time. I deleted an email I sent, because what the fuck am i trying to do? I just embarrass myself and expect people to talk to me. I've lost all the social charissma ive developed in school. Such a fragile thing I am, fuck. Like why does everything I type sound like, That? God no wonder people dont reply to me, bro I just make everyone uncomfortable. Do I just bring this anti-charrisma everywhere with me? like I thought I could litterally contain all this shit in this stupid little gray details box in a rambles section way to small to accurately read everything. SO lets hope no one does huh? lets hope people feel the hostile website language, the crapped and overwhelming feeling of trying to read something like this in succh an enclosed space, god i need to shut up. Theres really nothing to me. I dont know why I even wanted that semblence of interaction, like it would save me or some shit. Im tired. I give up.

I havent updated this stupid shit website because im scared of anyone even seeing this box. but just. augh. no ones going to see this anyway. Just know uh. uhm. that I sorry for this behaviour to be honest. This shit is just so depressing and angsty for no reason, youd think Id grow up out of this tbh. And honestly I apologise. Dont read this box for a while, for your own well being. anything with a sad face just ignore.

You know, we all have names outside of this, right? Its not the first one for me, but the one I gave myself, the one I feel right in. Iv'e had it for 4 years. Its never been used. Clean, untouched, a new car just waiting for that first test drive. I Dont think ill be around to see that day. Its James, by the way. Every man who has ever mattered and been an influence to me, all of there names are James. Cool right? Interesting how i just take shit I like huh? And you know what, maybe it doesnt fit me. I wont get to know.

You know, we all have names outside this, right? Im telling this to myself. because im not refereed to outside of here. Im just 226 to everyone. Irl I just refer to myself in 3rd person as 226. Like im just some character or something. Talk about dissociation huh. Three numbers im excited to see anywhere. Thats me! hey, 226, how's it been? Whats 226 up to? 226, are you taking care of yourself? 226. whens the next update? 226?226 where are you? 226 has been in a nightmare for 18 years. 226 what am I, who am I? 226?

226 is black, maybe; mixed between black and white so just gray?
226's parents havent been in the same room since it was alive.
226's family has a history of crippling addiction and emotional disorders.
226 was raised poor, and wears the same clothes everyweek.

I can't touch myself. its too much, you know? Crossing my fingers, holding my arms. Ive been restless because just any position with overlap puts a spike in my anxiety, or its just painful, or something I have no idea. I just. Anger? hatred? disgust? all in one shampoo I guess? I need thick clothes or a blanket inbetween. the feeling of my knees touching, or my elbow brushing against my waist when I walk? putrid.
and yet
A scene imagined hundreds of times; Agony, Tundra, out scavenging for parts in a more dangerous part of hell, enemies stalking and of course hell looking for oppritunity. Despite themselves their fingers meet the other, with a purpose. With care they despite themselves. its moments like these that are so kind and tender so when they fuck its like stars colliding, spinning and tearing eachother apart in some dance and that pleasure as they pull each wire apart with a precision theyve learned and they tear apart and combine their wires together and their intestines and muscles and arteries until Agony and Tundra is just one. The pleasure they feel only after I Love You.
What is this? whats wrong with me

Nothing has kept me tethered here for a long time. In the about section, yeah your gonna see the worst parts, too.
the internet is a lonely place. Its what you make it I guess. "no notifications" is just burnt onto my phone screen and my retnias. I guess. I logged into reddit for the first time in two years because i had this thought that maybe listening to those stupid fucking good boy audios would fix me like it used to. it didnt. Its then I saw a notification, I thought that maybe its just google telling me I logged into my account, like it usualy does (vpn fucks with the securtiy thing), but no. i check it, and oh! its from my attabook! Someone mustve liked my website, someone I can talk to! I dropped my phone on my face with how fast I was trying to check lol. I go and see, nothing? wheres the comment? I check the amail again, only to see that it was telling me how it needed my permission to show it publicly. Oh, okay..? Still with hope I check, "ILOVEYOU" sent 2 stupidly long links and nothing else, twice. I let those words sink through me. Im porous, it doesnt take much. I chew on them, savour them, swallow them and I just choke. Im having an allergic reaction. Swollen, bruised, suffocating. its what always happens, you kknow? those three words will never bring comfort, not again, not after what happened. Fuck. i don't care whose mouth those words come from just let me hear it. Then do whatever you want. Like how its always been.
I considered clicking that link. But i just. here I am.

Also fuck you AMC you bitch im not talking to your AI assistant to fill out a job application. The job aint that good dayum. Y'all (texan, sorry) better than a fucking online forum??? FUCK! shit piss me off.

I give up on life. My legs hurt too much for adventure again, sorry kendrick, so Ive just been drawing porn comics. Is the world ready for my freaky ferryman polycule? is this world ready for the shamless self projection that is Indulge? Am I ready to share it? Why do I even share this shit? I don't fucking know anything. I just do things with no regard for consequence and it makes me so confused. Should I prioritize the narrative more? Should I even see my characters like this? is this some porn addiction and just, fetishizing these characters does more harm than the pleasure it gives me? Im doing a bad thing. I can't justify what I'm about to post in any capacity, and honestly I regret that I can't just, stand for something. I have no spine, no thoughts. I really, honestly, can't think at all. Just, ugh. What Am I even talking about? I give up on life.

Whats your future, huh? What do you even do in there? Why should I wait while you live your life on pause? I don't get a break, you know. really, you should handle yourself a bit better by now. What is wrong with you? what are you? I try not to say your name anymore, it gets akward when you don't respond. You know, Its getting hard looking at your eyes and seeing nothing to be proud of. Don't blame me if I turn my head. Wheres my honor student? Is it still there, rotting in that coffin? Are you even there? are you even there? Are you even in there? Dinner is in the fridge, whenever you come out. Just know you wouldn't be the first I disowned.

why do I live in fear? Who's out there? My life in broader narrative context; tone deaf, whats going on here, really? hey, take some critisism and find a way to end it, already. genre? whats the oppostite of a romance? Im bored. Put a bow on things,im bored we're bored, its what the audience deserves for sticking it out so long. WE stuck with YOU. WERE stuck with YOU! the pages are turning; book close to an end. you see the spotlight fade? you see the curtains draw? thats The End, baby! And did you know, that when your on stage, all the lights make the audience black? its as if your staring into nothing. youll never know if anyones really there. Maybe no one's real. its all black, in the end, you know? the kindest color, we suppose. Hey, can you tell I was a theatre kid? Haha! Hey, hey, can you tell I saw death? I saw hell in those seats? Haha! I hated it! Hey, no laughing, hey, listen to me, empty seats, THE ENDING OF FRAUD HAPPENED TO ME// I HAVENT BEEN IN MY OWN BODY SINCE// NO ONE WAS UP THERE BUT MY GREY PAWN// THE FRAUD OF IT ALL WAS ME// IT WAS ME EM T'NSAW TI // MIRRORIM RELFECTIONOICTELFER// AND WHEN I LOOKED AROUND FROM THE SEATS// IT WAS JUST BLACK// IT HASNT LEFT MY VISION SINCE// NOTHING HAS BEEN THE SAME SINCE//

Hi Im 226 and im still in a depressive coma. Everything is difficult. im nauseous all the time. Im tired all the time. I cant sleep, I can't think... And yet I yearn for adventure. theres no one to ask how im doing, no one to ask Where Im going, so leaving was natural. 4am, constantly looking back, like anything would happen. "Life is kinder than you think", is all that was in my mind, that and the soundtrack, the first part of Kendrick Lamar's Sing about me, Im dying of thirst Instrumental. "Promise that you will, sing, about me," As I watch the sun rise from the AMC parking lot. I went too far, I ran out of water and energy. But I made it back. I'm going to walk to a bus stop, pay the fare and head into downtown houston, Who cares if I can't make it back, if I don't come back? who the fuck will ask about me when Im gone? no ones reading this. Its what Sing about me, is telling me. Its telling me to move, to walk away, to free my mind, die in an interesting way that changes my perspective. Changes me. Heals me. And I don't know why its this song in particular. i dont have music in. it just finds itself firing off in my head, against the fog, so loud and clear and. right. Im going to go farther, farther away, getting lost and disregarding any pretence of saftey. With my major debilitating anxiety, its not like this is calming at all... I can't explain anything I do. I cant think about anything I do. I can't fucking think. I cant I cant I cant its too much. It hurts too much, theres too much. The song is playing again.

augh. aughhhh... auhg....uhhhhhhhmm uhh... uh............ You'f think that posting online wouldn't be so scary to me anymore buttt it isnt. I stared at the draft for 30 whole minutes before posting. Its better than 2 hours, but still... Whatever. #68! can oyu belive it! and guess what next saturnday is c; I already have some freaky ideas. But yeah this saturnday was inspired by the Golconda poster on my wall. My HS combination Art & Theatre teacher was throwing away some clutter the previous art teacher had amassed, since he was a hoarder. But, I got a few trinkets out of the cleanup that wouldve gone to a landfill, and the 3 posters are apart of them. I have Yellow Cow, 1911 by Franz Marc, Self-Portrait, 1984 by Jean-Michel Basquiat (huge inspiration for me teehee) and or course the one previously mentioned. Also amoungst the fine art I have this HUGE Fnaf at freddys 2 poster which helps cover up schizo wall drawings but thats a story for another time lol. You ever think theres a Librarian Lesbian Thespian Therian out there?

Hi im 226. its been a few hours since I last updated(still awake, sleep shedual is ffffucked) and as the title says, yup. its true. Porn. I redrew the entire comic. whoops! it still sucks but i won't be too hard on myself..(is being too hard on myself) whatever. its nasty. and honestly like why do i even share this w the world.. the idea of sharing this with oomfs.. omg im am so embrarrassed im sharing this publically but you cant look! promise you wont look!!! no peeking!! anyways yeah its of my Mirage-Swordsmachine Indulge. I get into these cycles where I completely forget I made her and then for a week straight I can't Stop Thinking About how hhhhhhHOT she is. by golly. I take it back, the world needs to know about Indulge. You Must Peek At Peak. Side tangent, i am RUNNING OUT OF TIME BEFORE ITS LIKE IM IGNORING THEM. GOOGLE AI, WHAT DO I SAY WHAT DO I SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AHGGUHGUHG how to start and maintain a conversation with someone?? who is new friend; discord 101 for dummies, for nincompoops, for neurodivergents, for autists, no slime, no glue, no borax, slime tutorial???????FUCK......Im the person they put the fucking instructions on the shampoo bottles for!! I flip my 'I' and 'E's all the fucking temi!! I EATED SOAP BC NO I DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO I FUCKING SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I HAVEN"T TALKED TO ANYONE IN WEEKS.

its back. nothing externally is stressing me out too much so hopefully it wont last long... ive been so tired that I can't even rot on the phone. ive only been motivated to read fanfics. which unexpectedly helped a lot. Love you nano! mirage is real and shes on my phone <3

@ EVERYONE! to all my darling followers, I consider you my friends! AND! as freinds, WE WILL CONVERSE! I am ready. Tell me, how has your day been? Tell me what projects your working on! And to all the ultrakill oomfs... whats your favorite level, favorite layer, favorite weapon?? I gotta know. Personally I love 3-2. i love the song, I also really enjoy the red and blue door themed levels, i loooveee the sawblade laucher(sexiest weapon PROVE ME WRONG) I just LOVE GREED! sisyphus and the insurectionists are so hot augh. I ALSO LOVE LIMBO. limbo may actually be a first becuase I have so many ideas about limbo, ya know? it gets the brain going I love it lore wise, and it helps that it bleeds into the prelude level (the walls underneath the screens are prelude factories) It really gives the sense that the layers/hell bleed together and it gives me so many ideas. ALSO AGONY AND TUNDRA, the level where I had my third gay awakening. (second at 0-3, first when I played the game lol)
LMK via email or discord or tumblr or whatever! this is an invitation!! come yap it up w/ me!!! ^__^

Hi im 226. Its reallly windy and thundering right now, and without stable income I cannot transition. Dysphoria puts me in depressive comas and I fear its coming back. I hope that i'll improve enough with my drawings to get commissions. I hope that future is soon. I cannot wait any longer. I feel helpless but right now im driinking mango juice and eating churros so I feel okay. not 100%, but okay.

hello my name is 226 and i love peaches. I love peaches so much imeating one right now. I love holding them in my hands so tenderly, and cleaning them and eating them. I love how they smell, too. Recently got peach scented trash bags. 10/10 I love capitalism. I got a peach drink mix, just goes into regular water and boom. instant doapmine. Everything peach related brings me joy, and this particular peach im about to eat got that GMO in it. Its fucking huge. This peach is like 3 peaches put together. Im so excited to eat it. I just wanted to share because I love peaches so much. 226 top ten things ever: Number one, Ultrakill, number two, peaches.

art fight has been crazyyy. ive been drawing nonstop for 5 days now. it feels like im back in the same position a few summers ago, where i did nothing but draw the swordsmachines over and over until i ran out of every utensil. Can you tell im still jobless? but so far ive wracked up ~220 points. and ive made probably the best pieces of my entire life. i never knew i could like... draw draw, you know? idk. anyways yeah when I say i havent stopped drawing... I took a break from drawing by drawing the craziest, level 10 freakazoid porn ever. its so nasty and gross that I feel bad about it. it'll be up soon-ish bc its a comic so itll take a while, so stay tuned.

It took four days but i have decided to do artfight! because im doing this so last minute I only have three ocs rn but uhhh yeah. I relearned how fun drawing is. Other than that i have to apply to another job... yay...(so scared)
Also my first social media post... ever? wasn't as scared as I thought I would be posting. idrc because like... no one is actually gonna see it. And also that bill about to be law thatll fuck up social media(and the internet at large i think) so now im just like. #yolo. life is awesome when you just think #yolo and do shit

HIRE ME HIRE ME HIRE ME HIRE ME GODDAMMIT HIREeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee auhghhhhh i need incomeeeeeee. also the iframes dont work. fml

this is homophobic.so much Shit has been thrown at me the last few days its downright leftcenter homophobic. AND NOTHING IS DONE! also of thinking of joining artfight

how the fuck did two days pass. I had the sad realization that the month is almost over so i should prbably hurry up with this update.

trying to get into the swing of things again

there is just not enough of me to give all the time. !!